shrugs

why is life so difficult?
answer: because it wouldn't be called life if it wasn't difficult...

true... i've been going through that question and answer round and round my head so many times...

i just wonder, what if 1 day everybody got what they wanted.. what would it be like? for me, i'd be overjoyed... happy.. but that wouldn't be right.. i guess u just got to face reality in order to know what is life.. i don't know what i'm talking abt either...
haha...

well.. most of the time i guess you have to do things the hard way in order to know what is right... ppl have to go through ups and downs in life... you learn lessons! for me, its just lessons learned, and maybe some regrets included...

everybody has been given a plan in life, mine's weird... even though on the outside my life seems so perfect to alot of people... but hey, remember this, not everybody's life is perfect.. in fact, no one's life is perfect at all!

it's not what counts on the outside, it's what counts on the inside!

that's the truth... nobody has it perfect... lol..

anyways...
went shopping and almost died of tiredness.. gosh.. suicide... tsk tsk tsk... SHOPPING IS TIRING ok... man! everybody knows that... =) oh yeah.. i got a tattoo today.. friend paid for it! love it!! muaxx...

time flies so slowly... but i'm learning how to be patient...

i love u!
will be right here waiting for you...

my tattoo i got today!!


ess

freaky ok...

what would u do if like...
ur ex-bf fren that u don't know, sms u and say when he coming back etc. and he say it's ur mission... omg... freaking out..
but now u already have another bf... i mean... damn~ i don't know what to do..
i... gosh...
ok whatever..
anyways...
studying, playing, sleeping, eating... oh yeah..
1 more thing!!
i've fallen in love with PLAYING CARDS...
everyday hanging out at friend's store playing cards.. use $$$ almost bankrupt, but anyways... lol
i love u...
i can't wait for u to come back!
ess

hot and cold...

some relationships are just weird... well mine... =.=
like its just so funny..
one moment i just feel like blowing his guts out and the other i just wanna hold on to him and never let go no matter what... to tell the truth... he told me the same thing.. lol!
it's just so funny... it tickles me terribly... everytime i think of him making me laugh i just CRACK up...
haha... love? trust?

without trust, where do u find the love? isn't that right??

l.o.l
i dunno what i've gotten myself into.. *shrugs...
ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyways...
today was cool.. went to friend's place and alot of pals were there... CRACKED the place up.. filled her store with laughter, ppl thought the mental hospital close down... and the whole lot of "xiao" (crazy) ppl come out free.. crazy
gtg
bed time!
love ya'll!
ess

slow!

walao!!
computer getting damn slow la!!
stupid..

stayed at home... didn't do much.. keep watching movies.. had lunch... den continue with korean drama... slept for like forever.. den "someone" call me hor... give me heart attack.. some more can scold me lazy leh..
what kinda of world is this... lol..

aiya... outside so hot...

at home wuliao... nothing to do... feel so lazy... want to go out.. but still so LAZY... haiz.. what to do? a girl needs to get her BEAUTY SLEEP right? haha...

i miss you!!! i want you!! come back soon! September 25 feels tooooo FAR away... you tell me to be patient.. i can try to be patient... they all tell me to just bear with it a little longer and everything's gonna be alright.. lol... =) i'll do it all for you.. i love ya!!

ess

home....

oh....
stayed at home today... dun dare to go out for a certain reason.... um...
still sick but still alive... lol... =P
anyways...
dead boring... woke up.. watch movie... eat.. watch Korean drama, show's name is <说你爱我> really really good, but also very frustrating! not east to explain until you watch it yourself... sleep...
waiting for that phone call that will never come today...
man... i just hate it when you know something will not happen and you still wait for it... fat hopes... ppl are busy.. it's called LIFE... haha...
haiz...

i just love it the way you care about me... i dunno how to explain it... but deep inside i can see it... it's difficult to explain but, i guess only you and me can really see and feel it? i dunno... *shrugs...

i don't want to be living in a world of lies... i hate to even think about it when one day i open my eyes and i realize i've been lying to myself all this time... i've done it before and i don't want to hurt myself or anybody around me again...

dun wanna betray myself all over again...
i know how it feels... it's painful...

i just want to know the truth! also dun wanna live in world of doubts...

love you
ess

freaking out...

ok... um...
alot has been on my mind since yesterday evening... omg... omg!!
ok um...
you know when someone that is your friend, tells you a something that might involve the safety of you and you family.... and your special someone knows abt it and is keeping it from you cos he doesn't want you to be worried and all... and infront of him you just gotta act like you don't know anything because you don't want him to be even more worried?
how do you even keep it a secret without even crying yourself to sleep? well... tears come real fast for me nowadays... didn't happen last time... gosh... freaking out!
help? someone? anybody?
anyways...
today was like crazy... felt like i'm just spinning in circles....
help...
ess

what can i do to make you.....

omg...
the last few days have been freaking horrible...
down with sickness... cough... cough...cough... feels like i'm gonna cough everything out... gosh...
finally FINISHED my 1000 word essay... gosh... sigh of relief...
school is going good...


all i want to say is... thank you for everything you've given me... i just love it how someone can love you... how you feel when you are loved... what can i do to make you feel more loved... i just so much things to say to you... three words is all i need to say...

I LOVE YOU

i miss you... come back SOON! muaxx
that's it... full stop!

ess

hey...

anyways...
didn't update much...
but ok..

Friday - August 15, 2008
went to lil's slpover party... omg... what a bash, except that couldn't watch scary movies cos there's a girl that her parents only let her watch G-Rated movies... =.= we're the kind of ppl that LOVE to watch scary movies and there we go watching cartoons, not saying they're not good.. the one we watched was awesome.. one of the best cartoons ever!! then they fell asleep and i was wide awake with Manders... gosh... best pal... we saw the full moon, oh yeah, that day was Ghost Festival also i think... we stayed indoors.. haha.. beautiful moon with clouds under it... i loved it... she though it was creepy.. haha... talked alot that night... slept at 6:30am... woke up at 9:30am... goodness...

Saturday - August 16, 2008
went to dad's store.. omg... felt so sleepy it felt like i was sleep walking over... mother say i look like walking corpse... =.= stayed there until time to go home... was sitting on the bar stools, and dozing off... workers so afraid i gonna fall off... haha... slept at 10:30pm that night, earliest record!

Sunday - August 17, 2008
stayed at home... woke up at noon... wow... beautiful sleep... felt like sleeping beauty! haha...
didn't do much at all...

skip two days till now..
Tuesday - August 19, 2008
well actually Wednesday... did school.. had fun with friends... was looking through this army magazine, and OMG!! i love their guns!! especially AK-47... really good... i would change the colors if i could!
~kinda worried about YOU... i know you don't want me to worry... but i can't help it! but hey... take care of yourself for me ok? i love you...

the sky... on the way to lil's party... the moon but not clear... Friday night...


the donkey was actually Monday, but right infront of our store! gosh... drink i made on Saturday... sweet and sour... real good... mix of fruits...


ess

me?

what am i? i can't find myself... i know i can take my time to look for me, but... still.... i don't even know who i am... forget about what i am... *shrugs...
anyways...
trying my best to be patient, because that is one element that blows everybody that is close to me, i mean people try to stand it, but after awhile, i know they will just walk away and all, and i don't want that!
i just want to fit in some where... some where that i can call my own. some where i know i can feel relaxed..
sorry i haven't found that yet, if i had i won't be here blabbering on and on...
just stuck in the middle of everything...
ess

oh happy day

hihi!!!
today was great, nice weather, not too hot... cooling..... heeheehehehehe..... really happy lately... =)
oh, i forgot to upload something yesterday, omg..
so coincidental leh... my mother and i made mooncake for fun yesterday, more or less testing out lor... and den i made a mooncake myself just for out anni... aiya.. i shy lah... *blush... =) *winks...
1 month so also 1 个月饼 lor....
whatever lah....
nothing much happen today... but just feel over excited...
anyways...
oh yeah... the 080808 olympic opening was so looooong but also so nice... the performance was awesome though!! =) lasted for 4 hours.. haiz...

my moon cake that i made... so proud... hehe..


love ya'll!
ess

well....

its been a rough time lately,
both of us are busy, well, mostly you are the one that's busy...
meetings... training, etc....
and i try to be patient... even though the whole world knows i'm not... i wanna change this year, i want to find myself... that's all..
today is our 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY...
=) ... ppl might see and just say, gosh, its only a month, what's the big deal?
but hey! we've been through alot.. i still want you to accompany me when i feel down, or when i'm happy... i want to do the same for you too...
oh well...
i'll be right here waiting for you...
*winks...
ess

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!!

tODAY is the date and Singapore is now 43!!
whoohoo!! so proud that i am a SINGAPOREAN!! it was such a hard time for Singapore, but hey ppl!! look at where we are now!!!
even though i'm not in my own country, i still am celebrating for her bday!
at home right now, with pal, and yeah, great day so far. had lots of friends and new friends come by to the store, and then we went SHOPPING!!
will tell about yesterday's 080808 olympic tmr...
love ya'll
ess

好烦!!!

wahliao...
angry lah...
everytime get mistakened by other ppl.... tsk...
haiz... i guess its just part of God's will that i become ppl's living punching bag... its ok, i'm used to it! not!!!
what do you ppl think i am!! i have feelings too ok!! haiz...
speechless...
没话说了.....
=.=
disappointed... what to do... this is my 命运 lor...
anyways...
today went with lily to get her ears pierced... she actually have a pair but, want some more... wah.. she not scared of pain leh... she was holding my hand but i was squezzing her hand.. what logic is that!! tsk tsk tsk... disappoint myself... ok la! i admit i'm a sucker for pain!! =) *winks...
i miss all of you!!
love ya!
ess

well o well...

it is not normal hot it is like SIZZLING HOT! and the wind that comes with it is like omg... i'm being cooked in the oven, and then become roasted ess... omg... die la... wheww....

i guess my plans to go shopping is like down the drain.... so not gonna go out...

um...

oh yeah!

solar eclipse happened yesterday evening.. omg! first time for me ok!! amazing experience!!! wow...

just schoool....

plans for tmr is to stay home, on the couch, get ice-creams, have the fan blowing, cool air at least, watch movies, gooood movies, =), and um... sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep... zzzzzz...

that's all thats left to do.. i dun wanna be burnt to death outside, NO! its better inside... haha...lol...

yup...
that's all... i guess... winks...
love you!!
ess